Mulling

I was sitting at my desk looking at the letters on the keyboard.  Thinking about how we make words and how letters, something small, can stand for something so much bigger.  A word, but not only a word a simple yet incisive question.

It just seemed like a huge question to me.  Why do things happen? Why do we care and love the people we do? Why do we have to hurt? Why is the sky blue? Why do I see things as beautiful?

On taking the photo the key suddenly seemed to glow.  OK so I know that's only dust, but it seemed to me to highlight just how important it is to continue to ask questions. Before the photo I didn't see the dust or the glow of the key, but focusing on it made details show that otherwise I wouldn't have seen.  Kinda like the other questions.

Turning to the window I saw this little guy glowing in the sunlight.  There somehow seemed to be something that switched my mood from contemplative to in awe of the beauty in the world.  From the darkness in my mood there was a sudden brightness, a lightness which permeated every fibre.

Its amazing how just noticing the world around too me away from the rubbish inside to a hopeful outlook, ready to face the things life can throw

Wipe every eye dry

This bead is one I made which speaks to me of the precious nature of each tear that is cried.  How each tear is precious to God and is part of my healing process.

Its also one of my steps into of mandrel sculpture... boy ivory is such a great colour to sculpt with... and hopefully my sculpture can only get better

50 Things

Over the last few years I've often seen people challenge themselves to make 50 things through out the year.  These things have been on drawing sites, some craft and 43Things is about 43 things you would like to be able to do with your life.

Most of these sites either give you a list or ask you to form a list. 

I like the idea of working to someone else's list as it will give you a challenge that you would never thought of doing.  I like the idea of a list you create yourself as it is really personal, although I guess I would run out of ideas or my vision changes so frequently I would probably end up sabotaging myself. 

Some else has set the challenge slightly differently in that they plan to make 50 items in a year.  So that generally works out at one a week.  I'm kinda liking this idea as I have so many projects that go unfinished and it would be a challenge to get them sorted.  The promise to myself is that they would be art rather than just craft.  For me that means that they have some kind of meaning.  Trust me I know that's not the only differentiation between art and craft

So I guess these make up my first items in this challenge to myself.  Over the next few days I will work out what I plan to do, follow someone else's list... and I've found one I like, or just make the commitment to myself to finish things or may be its about challenging myself to try something new. 

The bottom line promise to myself is that I will finish one piece a week for the remainder of the year.

Precious Tears

These again are part of my healing process.    I dont think you can see it very clearly but swirled in the clear glass is both gold and palladium which give these guys a very special glow. 

For me they represent the tears I cry.  Each one is precious.

I find it so hard to find the words to express how I feel at the moment, but this song by Steven Curtis Chapman sums up something of what I feel.

 

We can cry with hope

We can say goodbye with hope

Because we know our goodbye is not the end.

We can grieve with hope

Because we believe with hope

There's a place, by Gods grace, there's a place where we'll see your face again

Pets

My DH has been uploading piccies to flickr and I discovered these on there from today so I thought I'd introduce you to the lovely animals in my life. 

This is Bruno.  He's a 5 year old lab cross but he still behaves like a puppy.  Butter wouldn't melt hey.

These guys are Mitzy... who is looking at the clock and Tai pie... I think she was meant to be Taipei but the previous owners got it wrong.  Unfortunately they are no longer with us... which is very sad but also I think they would be terrorized by Bruno... Come to think of it Mitzy would be top cat but poor TP would be even lower than the dog.

Hope Continued

This piece continues my musings about hope.

At the core is an ivory base which has been textured with browns representing the core of our lives. That was encased in amber to which I added the frit. If you look closely you can see some grey green dots, this is the frit, however most of it as reacted with the amber to give the dark brown transparent hues at the bottom.

Its one of those reactions I keep forgetting about. The interesting thing though had been as I had been musing about creating these hope pieces I had wanted a dark transparent to cover the core and some of the gold but couldn't work out how to achieve as a normal encasing layer would have been too big. so instead of a damaged piece I achieved unexpectedly what I wanted.

There is gold leaf laid on top of the brown representing hope. This was then encased in clear. In the above picture you can more clearly see the striations in the core and the wealth of gold encased in this bead.

Hope

This piece continues my musings about hope.

At the core is an ivory base which has been textured with browns representing the core of our lives. That was encased in amber and gold leaf laid on top representing hope. This was then encased in clear. There is a fine frit on this which speaks of life's unpredictability and the dots represent life's routines and structures.

Emotions through art

I needed a way to communicate my emotions but there are times when words just are not good enough.  The following piece is one I have been working on resulting from my feelings following a miscarriage.  The piece has broken however that doesn't really matter to me as there was something very cleansing about the process of creating the piece. 

HOPE

There are a number of elements to this piece.  There is pure gold on the front which represents the hope and belief that I will have a child.  It deliberately covers in part the heart.

The varied colours in the background represent the texture of life.  The different things I am involved in.  It is made from raku glass which I have no control of in ensuring what colour it becomes.  Really like life, we have no real control over how things will turn out.

There is a hole at the top which would have been used to secure the tab onto silver, that hold is where there is what looks like a point at the top.

 

The heart is a representation of not only any uncompleted broken heart but of mother over looking a child hence the difference in sizes.  The child element leaves the main part of the glass as a representation of loss.

All I know is that there was something incredibly cleansing about the process of making this piece and in some ways the fact that it did not survive the kiln for me also represents the fact that my grief will end.  I don't have to spend any more time thinking about this piece as if I had turned it into jewellery there would have been a prolonged process.  I am able to move forward from it, and leave the emotions behind.

The Importance of Time

Have you thought about the importance of time.  I've felt for a while that I've  not had the time do be creative or do the things I want.  Somehow by the end of the day I don't seem to have achieved anything I want to do and only just managed the things I have to.

DH and I had a long conversation about how to find me more time within our day but didn't really come up with any solution.  Just the observation that for me there was something really missing.

Following a recommendation from a friend I decided to go TV and computer free.  The computer free thing worked to the extent that I managed to only write on my blog and chat to friends who were on line at the time... one a creative activity and friends are really important. 

I didn't have a TV for 3 years so thought that it wouldn't really make too much difference.

My goodness how much more time... I've been so tempted to turn the TV on just to give me something to do...  Yes I am also avoiding the housework.... Suddenly there in the middle of my life is the time that I so wanted.  Rather than have to consider working fewer paid hours... I have hours that are simply empty.

Suddenly I can see where a bike ride could fit, where heading out the the studio can happen... and still have time for friends, husband and housework... although I might continue to avoid that as much as possible.  I can suddenly see how to create the life style that I want.  Just how cool is that and with no pain.... I just now need to use it hey.

Noticing

Do you ever really notice things... not just see them but really see them? 

I have been spending time becoming more aware of my environment and you know its amazing.

Driving down the A3 towards Guildford through the countryside with the sun rising was beautiful.  Occasionally there was the harsh white straight lines as a bridge cut into the countryside but generally it was green and well not quite verdant... after all this is still January. 

I suddenly saw aliens on the horizon, tall imposing structures stretching across the horizon.  Ok so they were power cables, but in them I saw war of the world aliens or tripods (another one of my favorite scifi stories).

Further down my journey I saw the hospital I was heading to on the top of a hill.  Now bearing in mind I've driven down this road on and off for 11 years, I've never really seen the hospital on the hill and how imposing it is.  Of course I knew it was there.. but I had never really seen it.

The other one that made me laugh at myself was driving around the hospital site I saw this really tall tower... now I knew there was one on site a the morgue but had never seen it.  Only there it was, right by where I've parked my car for the last 2 years.  Man I must have been living in a complete daze.

I suddenly feel as if my eyes are opened... certainly I'm looking up out from my ordinary little world... and you know something my anxiety and stress seems to reduce and I notice more around me.  The pain of a miscarriage just 3 weeks ago has no hold on me as I notice the world outside of myself.

So what about you... will you look up and notice... really see the world around you?  It's a far more interesting place than I thought it was.