Relentless

The phrase which runs through my head a lot at the moment is “relentlessly pursue who I am created to be.”  Now given my last post when I am questioning who I am you can see that this poses a bit of a problem.

Part of this however for me is beginning to recognise the things that I am not any good at and saying you know that doesn't matter.  There are people in  my life who can do those things and I need them.  Not only to be in relationship with me, but because I need them to be who they are to support me as I can support them become all we are meant to be.

Part of this is also beginning to recognise what motivates me, what drives me.  I’m becoming painfully aware that there are unhelpful things that motivate me, like how other people see me and pain that I have experienced and am experiencing. 

There are also more helpful things like wanting to see others become who they have been created to be.  Big ideal hey, but it’s what drove me to become a therapist, its what’s inspired me to do youth work.   But it has hit me, I looked at encouraging people to become who they are without first learning to become who I am.

Its like the commandment in the bible to love you neighbour as yourself.  I came to realise the biggest problem for me with this is I have to love others as I love myself.  And I have problems loving myself… Ok I’m getting a lot better at that one and I certainly don't dislike myself anymore. 

But I realise that the first part of the commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul.  What I’m learning, really beginning to understand is that if I understand who God is, it kinda answers who I am.  When I stop over analysing myself and focus outside of myself I feel far more peaceful, far more centred.

I know I don't really talk much about my faith but the truth is, it is at the core of who I am.  Trying to present myself without that core of me means I cant present who I truly am.  I can not be authentically me.  My intention is not to push my faith onto  people but to express who I am.  To begin to answer the question who am I and relentlessly pursue who I am created to be