Studio Update

I’ve come to realise that when a girl features in my pictures that the picture is pretty much a self portrait of what is going on in my life.

I put all the flowers on because I thought they should be there.  If I was an artist and and glass artist, my picture should have more glass in there.

Only I was wrong.

As I looked at the picture I realised I needed to strip away the stuff that shouldn't be there.  But to do that would be painful and do damaging to the picture, but I knew I needed to do it.  Knew I needed to get rid of the flowers.

Its kind of like what is going on in my life, I feel like loads of things are being stripped back, taken away.

Some of it is easy but a lot of it is hard.

I’m now at a point with the picture that I feel like in my own life.  The yellow centred daisies have gone, and the picture really does lock a lot better.  The problem is I think I need to do more.  I think I need to completely sacrifice what I have now to get what it could be in the future.  And like in the picture, I don't know how much that will cost, or what it will look like.

I almost feel as if I need to create balloons which are fragile and can fly away, becoming what they were meant to be, rather than spring flowers which are here for a short season before they die.  In my own life I feel I need to let go of things which I feel have defined me, defined my pain, defined my path to go on the journey I was created to be on.

Studio Update

Last night the friends I was supposed to be visiting cancelled as Hannah was rushed to hospital with difficulty breathing and suspected problems with her pregnancy.  Clearly this touched many of my buttons and left me feeling a bit shaky.

I spent today with her 3 kids 2-13 years old looking after them as dad was at hospital.  It was generally going well till the 13 year old decided to do lunch and ended up serving me a single piece of toast with butter, less than she had given all them including the 2 year old.  Turns out there was no other food in the house.

Any way, I got home tired with a very low sugar level knowing the good news is that at the moment they have found nothing wrong with Hannah but there will be ongoing tests.  That didn't stop my irritability because I was so hungry. 

There was a parcel waiting for me which was full of some affirmation cards I have been working on for a little while.  The otters above are from the series.  In there were reminders to breathe and that I am enough as I am.  Seriously good timing.

I have completed 11 cards and I hope to either get to 15, 20 or 25 cards in a set.  Look out for them in the near future.

Studio Update

This week has been one of those week which would typically shatter me, but it hasn't.

My period is with me, and for all of those of us who are trying for a baby, this indicates another cycle where our hopes have not been fulfilled.  Certainly since Christmas I have been devastated with the start of a period.   My DH also lost some contracts this week as the company he works for as a freelancer went into administration… hmmm must change side bar… Clearly that hits us financially, and causes me to worry – normally.  Oh and its his birthday today.

On Tuesday this all hit, my hormones and pain at its worst and Andy’s news… and I don't feel shaken by any of it.  I have been praying about the idea that I cant continue to live with this persistent sadness.  Regardless of whether I have a child or not, I need to be pain free,  I just can not live this life completely absorbed by the pain… and I guess it makes my blog a really hard read to consistently hear me say I’m struggling.

As I said last Friday I think I’m working out how to manage the pain, and given this week, I really think I’ve found something that works for me.

My plan is on Monday to write it up rather than a Bead Basic Tutorial as I feel that at the moment this is the most amazing thing I could share.  so please pop back then

Studio Update???

I am only writing today as Friday is supposed to be my studio update day.  I have no update as I haven't made anything all week. That feels really weird to me as normally I feel creative a lot of the time.  I feel at the moment that all I have the energy to do is cope with my paid job.

Where I am at emotionally has a lot to do with this.  During last weeks mini heat wave I found myself unusually attached to the persistent sadness I feel as a consequence of our fertility issues.  That has probably been brought into focus as we have finally got to see the right doctors… it too 3 1/2 years rather than 6 months to get to this stage, but that's another story.

Currently I feel incredibly drained and my head feels like cotton wool. All I know is that I need to find some way to deal with some of this pain independent of whether we have a child or not.  I need rid of this pain if I’m going to do something rather than just survive.

So where do I start, the honest answer is I’m not really sure.  The obvious answer is I need to spend more time meditating and just being with God and its true that will make a huge difference.  But what else is it that I’m needing, because it feels like there is a lesson I need to learn but I’m just not comprehending what it is.

Stoicism = So Happy I Could Bounce and Studio Update

I’m going to start this rather long post with my studio update followed with what this slightly bizarre title is about.

I have 3 sets of uncleaned comet beads which I really need to get round to listing.

I’ve also been painting, or at least working on the mixed media pictures

This is the one I showed you last week.  It now has its birds and some beading.  I think I might need to put a bit more movement into it, but hopefully by next wee it should be near being completed.

This is the one that I’ve recently started on.  Nothing is stuck down.  I’m thinking it might need some lampwork butterflies.

So back to the title.  It seems like one of the strangest things I could say but wow it so is.  I was watching a 5 minute presentation on Stoicism and looking at our fears rather than trying to improve our motivation.  The practicality of pessimism: Stoicism as a productivity system

It is so important to be grateful, so important to find out what we really want to do, but somehow in this I have always felt held back.  I’ve never been able to tie that down until this 5 minute moment.

Listening to what was being said something made a lot of sense.  In therapy I often get people to look at what the “bottom line” of what they are fearing is.  For some reason I hadn't considered applying this to my art work.

By Following the recommendation of creating a 3 column chart. I feel like something has lifted and I feel really excited.

• The first column being identifying all the possible worst case scenarios that could happen if you did what you're considering.  
• Column 2 Detail all the things that could minimize the likelihood of those worst case scenarios from happening.
• Column 3 Detail all the line by line action items that it'll take for you to get where you want to go. What do you have to do to make that change in your life, to avoid those worst case scenarios, and is it worth it?

I now have 37 clear things that I can do to stop the worst thing I fear happening from happening.  OK only 18 are linked to my deepest fear but I feel like I can move forward in a way that looking at only positive things hasn't been able to give. 

By recognising and identifying my fear it has lost control over me, for now anyway.  I also have practical steps which will help challenge my procrastination which is one of my biggest problems.

I feel so happy I could bounce.  My pessimism has been dissolved by looking at it head on

Tree Bead Necklace Giveaway

I thought I’d do something different this week.  I’m offering a piece of jewellery made with one of my focals.

The silk ribbon is painted and sewn by Diane at SowZerE Designs.   It’s amazing the love and care she puts into her hand made ribbons.  This one is called Calm.  I thought that was so apt for this bead.

The metal in this piece is sterling silver and has been formed by myself.  There are 2 copper spacers at the top and bottom of the bead to hold it in place.

I hope to have some comet beads and dragon scale beads listed on Etsy tomorrow morning.

All you need to do to have a chance of winning this pendant is make a comment, leaving your name

Studio Update

It has been really good this week.  I feel great because the beads that I have made because I want to have sold where as ones that have been around which I was making with others in mind haven't.  I really feel great about the idea of making things which I love rather than trying to second guess everyone else.

I have a Work in Progress for you

Remember this picture.  It was the first of using paint and glass in a picture.  This is something I have been musing about for a while in terms of making it happen.

This week I have started this picture

This piece is about my musings about community, quite funny as there is no community in here at all, but there will be.

It very much is a work in progress and I took the picture at the wrong time of day so it doesn't show everything up.  The tree (polymer clay) and leaves (lampwork) are yet to be fixed and I’m thinking there is something wrong with the leaves.  There will be 2 glass birds to perch in the tree and when they are there I’m sure I will be able to see more clearly what is needed.

I also need to find some way of accurately showing off this type of work.  Part of that is about selling it, but part is also about the idea that I might want to make prints… a thought but I don't know where it will lead me.

I would really appreciate your comments on this piece, ideas and observations.  This really is a new venture.  Whilst I wouldn't, and most people don't recommend showing something so early, I thought I would to get some sense of feed back.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts

Check Out To Find You Already Had What You Wanted

I am one of these people who enjoys planning, enjoys scheming and working out where I want things to go. The problem with this is that it can cause me to feel disconnected. Feeling like there is something more to life than I am somehow connected to.

My observation in life is that we tend to fall into categories those who tend to scheme all the time and feel overwhelmed and those who tend to drift and feel lost. Now I know these are generalisations but I’ve experienced as well as known the truth of it this week.

As a therapist I often explain that to have too much stress is to burn out but just as disastrous to mood and efficiency is rust out, when you just don't have enough pressure.

Last week I had a week away with my parents. When I do this, the world literally stops. By day 2 I was getting really wound up by doing nothing. By day 5 my husband and I were going loopy.

I had taken my paints to do stuff, a book to read, a screenplay I’m working on, things on how to improve my blog but I just couldn't get into anything. It was as if stopping robbed me of the ability to perform. Not only did my motivation vanish by so did my ideas. There was no planning, no scheming and I can genuinely say I felt my mood sink really fast. Rust out.

So how do I hold that with the learning how to slow down? How do I give myself space to plan and scheme without putting too much pressure on myself? It is almost as if I need to plan and scheme how to do a simple life. Some of it could be summarised by this great post about slowing down on Zen Habits.

Planning to slow down but having something to slow down from seems just as important. So I’ve decided that I will do that by identifying what I want from this week, then making a point of making it happen with specific goals.

So what are the key things that I want?

1. I want time to create whether that be with glass, silver, paint or words
2. I want to have time for relationships, with people I love
3. I want to earn money from activities which I see as being worthwhile.
4. I want to make a difference.
5. I want to be me,
6. I want to fully be who I was created to be, because only then will I be fully happy.

So things I need to do this week

1. Set specific time to create
2. Invite friends round for a meal or to the pub at least if I don't quite get round to cleaning the house
3. The truth is I see my paid job as worthwhile. I just need to learn how to give it direction. Therefore I need to set some time to plan and scheme… ooo things I do well.

I guess 4-6 will happen as I work on the other things. By focusing on the specifics I perceive that I will be able to stream line my life and therefore slow down. Interestingly to have time fro friends and time to create I have to slow down as well.

So back to the title of the post, I realise that as my life has sped back up today my ideas, inspiration and desire to create are returning. If I make a point of doing my already, everyday life, but slower and simpler I already have everything I need and want. So very simple but so very true.

Studio Update

This week has been a week for painting and just being.  I don't have anything to show at the moment, but I’m sure I will in the next few weeks.  I have spent a few days away with my parents and it was fantastic to see them.

So what about to days TGIF – Trust Gratitude and Inspiration Friday.

• Thankful - I’ve spent a lot of time with my parents this week and it has been fantastic
• Gratitude – I am grateful for time to be and time to play
• Inspiration – I have been inspired this week by being down near the sea

Thank you for dropping by

J

Studio Update and TGIF

So Friday posting, what have I been up to. Because I’ve been on annual leave its been an interesting week. Not as productive in some ways as I thought it would be, but really soulful and thoughtful, which to be honest I actually prefer.

So there have been a couple of bead sets, and Wednesday Giveaway. There have also been some firsts, I taught guitar for the first time this week. That feels a bit strange because I really don't feel like I have the skill needed, but they insisted which was so very flattering. It is also the first actual sit down less for teaching some art with some kid who are being home schooled.

One of the things as I thought about what I wanted to do with my creativity was teach and give back to people. When I identified that, within days these two opportunities arose and there is another bubbling in the pipeline. I think that's cool

Some days I wake up and it feels like my head is full of cotton wool. Sitting down and working out my TGIF seem really hard but actually it is really helpful because despite what my brain says actually there is an awful lot of good out there.

• Trusting – to day I am trusting that I will have fun with the kids and that the excitement they have shown will encourage them to want to continue with their art lessons
• Gratitude – I’m really grateful for friends who see me as me and who aren't out to change me. Yesterday I had the two extremes, people who wanted to change me and then wouldn't listen to me and friends who were just the most amazing and supportive, even though I didn't tell them about the first group of people.
• Inspiration – wow that's when its hard to find something with a head full of cotton wool. I’m doing the race for life tomorrow and beginning to prepare for it has inspired me to want to continue with the weight loss.

Thank you for dropping by. What are you trusting, grateful for and inspired by on this Friday?

J

TGIF and Romanov Beads

So what have I been up to?

This set is called Romanov as when I was making it I was reminded of some of the amazing patterns that are part of the Winter Palace in Russia.  They really aren't my normal style but I really enjoyed making them. 

As I was making them I became aware that they were similar to other glass artists beads.  As I thought this and thought about their designs, the bead I was making turned into mush, the design slipped, and the glass boiled.  Keeping a focus on my bead was really important.  To express my voice even though similar potentially to others meant that I created something I was proud of.

The other thing that I’m excited about is that today is the first time I get to focus on my writing projects.  I have many half finished stories and I hope to spend some regular dedicated time working on them.

So here are my thoughts for Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration Friday… I'm just really enjoying thinking about this as a regular part of my blogging.

• Trust – I’m trusting today that although it feels like my story telling voice has disappeared, by creating space for it, it will begin to shine.
• Grateful – last week I was was saying I was trusting that I had made the right decision to start promoting and selling my beads again.  Within minutes of listing I had a sale, thank you
• Inspiration – Following the sale I feel really inspired just to be me, to do the things I love. 

Friday Feature. Merrett Mansion Update

So here's my attempt at putting up some of my art on a Friday and let you know what I’ve been creating this week

Hopefully by the end of the day I will have some beadies up on etsy.  The green ones are some of my 15mm beads and the black are 6mm tiny treasures.   How exciting is this.  Beadies to sell.

I’ve also been a painting.  Apart from the eyes on the first one which need re doing, I think these piccies really aren't too bad.  The plan will be to finish them and make them part of some affirmation cards and prints.

I have to say, that may well take some time but at the moment I;m just enjoying the painting.

To finish up, I’ve been doing a TGIF thing (trust, gratitude and inspiration Friday).  So these are my thoughts for today

I'm trusting that even though I'm feeling so very tired today that choosing to intentionally create space to do the things I love is the right decision

I'm grateful to one of my friends allowing me to home teach her children art. I had been wanting to share my arty-ness and there was a fantastic opportunity that also meant she could take her youngest to playgroup

I'm inspired by one of the clients I met today who expresses her love for people and her expression of creativity without abandon.

Thank you for dropping in

Julie

Peace in the Storm

I have been painting and making things with glass but not posting them.  Simply because I really strongly felt that it was really important that I fell in love with creating and why I was creating, rather than be focused on selling.  finding what it was I was trying to say rather than just loving the process.

Doing this has lead me to a whole new area of work.  Work which for me has meaning and purpose, in a way that other things have not.  A way for me to begin to express my heart in a way which I have not found before.

This peace is called Peace in the Storm

It was displayed yesterday at an event open to the public.  The intention was to promote the work of the NHS trust I work for rather than for anything artistic.  I wanted the stall I was on to be some how different from all the self promotion whilst still promoting the essence of the work I do.  I often feel that the time I give to people is about providing Peace in the Storm of the emotions they are experiencing.

Yes it really does shimmer all over as it does in the right of the picture.

The shame in some ways was that I am not allowed to promote myself as this would conflict with my job.  The response and the enquiries regarding my work,however, really were quite inspiring.  People genuinely could not believe that I had completed the work and the sense of peace it inspired in people.

I really believe that I have begun to find where I need to express my heart, and my love